Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
