I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
