I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
