im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
