saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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