Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Don't EVER smell your tampon
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
