I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
