It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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