they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
