I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
