I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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