there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize