what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
