just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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