dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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