...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
nutella sex= disaster
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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