Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
