im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
