OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize