i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Randomize
