you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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