I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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