I accidentally had phone sex last night
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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