what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize