Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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