Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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