i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
How does one acquire holy water?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
