Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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