There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
