I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
