Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
