My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
