YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
