Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
