Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
