If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Randomize
