remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
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Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
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I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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