I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
