i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
