She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize