I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
