i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
