I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize