I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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