I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
