so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
