My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
