i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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