Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
we're chasing vodka with high fives
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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