I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
