Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
