I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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