Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
