The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
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