i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
