true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
