I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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