I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
