You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
