I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
