I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
