I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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