I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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