He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
don't judge my taste in strippers
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
