I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
