At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
