Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
If I die, sorry about rent.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
