You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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