she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
