HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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